February 2010
17 posts
6 tags
January 2010
38 posts
“Relationships are like thighs; they start out smoothe, then they get a little...”
– Silvia Fine from The Nanny
Overgay
Being over gay is an ISSUE.
If you sound like a girl, dress like a girl, act like a girl, smell like a girl, move like a girl, are the size of a female toddler… you’re over gay.
If you’re voice pierces my eardrums and leaves an obnoxious ringing, you’re over gay.
You seriously need to chill the FUCK out in class. Don’t call the teacher “giiiiirrrll” and...
Trash
If your hair is the same color as your face which is the same color as your teeth which is the same color as your discolored white clothes which is the same color as your pee. You’re trash. (umm bitch your not fooling anyone. Your hair is fake, your tan is fake, and your teeth are yellow. Step back.)
If you wear a Gucci monogram belt with a LV monogram bag and true religion jeans and a...
a song for THOSE days…
Red Heads
Redheads are amazing they really are. Think about it THEIR HAIR IS RED. like ITS RED. Do you get it? Hair. RED… They’re like a rare species of bird that when you see it you have to stare and sometimes take a picture or scream “RANGA” at them (that’s derived from ORANGUTANG because they’re red-headed monkeys).
I wonder if they have a mating call or something...
“Everything works out in the end. If things aren’t working out, it’s...”
3 tags
Photography by Basilio Silva →
Came across this great fashion photographer…
3 tags
Parks Are Awkward.
Parks are so awkward! Like, think about it. All these random people sitting on benches, which line a pathway, staring and judging the people who walk by while the people who are walking do just the same and judge the people sitting.
There is always someone crying by themselves or with someone else because they’re breaking up or something. Like, why the fuck would go want to meet up at a...
3 tags
Sleep Away Camp
Since forever ago, Jewish parents on the east coast have been shipping their children off to sleep away camp every summer. Every summer, starting at around age 8, children pack up their curiously phallic duffle bags with clip on fans, swim suits, and shampoo bottles filled with weed. And after saying goodbye to their parents, these kids are off to sleep away camp.
Sleep away camp gives suburban...
4 tags
Anger Management for Madea
Dr. Phil: What is wrong with you? Why do you feel the need that you gotta "get" somebody all the time?
Madea: Well when you gettin' "got" and somebody done "got" you and you go "get" them, when you get 'em everybody's gon' get got.
Dr. Phil: Yea but you're gettin' the gotters when they didn't do anything to even get you.
Madea: Yea but if the gotters get me I'm gonna get my glock.
I just wanted to try this whole chat post thing out...
“I try to take life one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all...”
Gay By May?
I want to address the whole “gay by may” situation. Its not true. Its more like “gay by the end of the first day” at NYU. Monkeys (gays) at NYU don’t just come out of the closet, they fly out of the closet wearing skinny jeans, a flannel, and one of those beanies that sags in the back and looks like someone left a shadoobiedoobiedo in it (not gonna lie, i want one)....
5 tags
Trey Songz did a cover of Princess Riri’s...
“It’s been a while… I know I shouldn’t have kept you...”
Attention People Who Sing
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
How annoying is it when you’re walking down the hallway next to someone and they just START SINGING?
There are people who ACTUALLY THINK THEY CAN SING and really really can’t. At all. They are the worse because you can’t tell them they sound like shit because you feel bad. So, you tell them they have a good voice thinking they’ve gotten their complement and will shut up. But...
1 tag
Hair
Hair is kind of a big deal. It is, I promise. Think about it! One wakes up every morning and looks in the mirror and thinks, “well, what should I do with my hair today?” and ends up, usually, doing what they do every day with it. Women wake up, look in the mirror and wish their hair were curlier, straighter, wavier, blonder, darker, longer, shorter, thicker, thinner, etc. Men look in the mirror...
NUGGETS!
Dictionary.com defines “Nugget” as:
a lump sum of something, as of precious metal
a bite-sized piece of chicken or fish; usually batter fried
But, the kind of nugget that it doesn’t mention is my favorite kind of nugget. It’s not the nugget that you find in a Happy Meal nor is it the kind of nugget you find in a bank vault. The type of nugget I’m talking about can also be described as...
BBM
Let’s take a look for a second at how far we’ve come with technology. In middle school you were cool if your phone had a color screen or a camera. Then, with the advent of main stream smart phones such as the Sidekick, that just didn’t cut it. Now, with phones like the iPhone and Blackberry it’s become so hard to keep up with it all.
I’ve never really been a big fan of using the phone as… a...
Orientation
Umm okay. Orientation is really awks and uncomf. I mean, your basically forced into really awkward situations with the people who you’re going to be at school with in the fall. Everyone is overly nice and acts like every single commonality they have between them is enough for the “best friend” label. People rock their “nicest” clothes, or in some cases, the clothes that exude the “I’m too good for...
Greenvale Diner
The Greenvale Townhouse is a staple of any given night out. The breath-taking landscaping, waterfalls, and garbage receptacles are only the beginning. Past the front double doors and not-so-functioning Pac Man machine is not just any diner. It’s a magical gathering place of drunk, high, and often horny teenagers. It’s a feeding ground with a $4 minimum per person.
On most nights at the diner one...
"Do You Want To End Up Like..."
There are certain people, whether in the public eye or in your school, that are synonymous with a certain persona/action/or consequence. For example, Lindsay Lohan is synonymous with a sometimes heterosexual crackhead who cant seem to keep her beaver under wraps. Britney Spears is synonymous with a formerly successful pop-star turned head shaving crack head turned heavily sedated pop star. Then...
Plans
After the age of arranged play-dates, plans have become a lot more spontaneous and tentative. Like, when you were younger, making a play-date with a friend was similar to arranging a dinner between a director of a movie and a star. Their people call your people. AKA – your mother would call the other persons mother and see when a play-date could be penciled in.
That’s not how things work now. I...
Social Climbing
There is a term often thrown around that falls under the same category as “back-stabber” and “bitch.” This term is “SOCIAL CLIMBING.”
Social climbing doesn’t exist. It’s a term coined by a loser who woke up one day and realized that he/she no longer has friends. When Loser thinks about where his friends are he realizes they have moved on, gained a social life, and do normal socially acceptable...
Gas Stations
I really hate gas stations. Everything about them screams diseases, rape, and sexual predators. On top of that, there is the fact that pumping gas is as arduous a task as shaving. It’s tiring, and annoying.
What shocks me the most is how arrogant the gas station attendants are. Are they confused? I’m pretty sure I’m the one in the car and they are the ones pumping my gas. And on top of that,...
CVS
Hmm… I love my neighborhood CVS. I can spend hours there and I never leave without spending at least $50 on crap…
But it also makes for some awkward run-ins and awkward situations.
For example, the other night I was at CVS buying toothpaste, a toothbrush, shaving cream, and an ice scraper. Of course, I ran into my frenemies mother. For the sake of the story, lets call my friend betty. Bless her...
Smelly
Today I was sitting at a table in the cafeteria when a girl came and joined us. This girl smelled so bad. And she isn’t the type of girl you see in the halls and think “Damn i better hold my breath and walk by fast…”
She looks normal and friendly on the eyes, not so much the nose.
What do you say to that “Umm excuse me bitch, can you not sit next to me you smell..”
or even if you say it nicely,...
"I Listen To Bands That Don't Even Exist Yet..."
Okay, really? Get over yourself…
Just because you play in a band, wear tight pants, wear tattered converse, have a sidekick, hang out at the train station, purposely put no effort in school, pretend to be emo, hide your face with your hair, dress like a hobo, or describe your musical taste as “Indie” doesn’t mean you have some sort of Elite, Ethereal, Divine taste in music. Please.
Lets get one...
Splish-Splash Mishap
There is a water park in New York called Splish Splash. And honestly, it seems to attract some interesting people. It’s like the dirtier version of Camel Beach (or Camel Toed Bioch as i like to call it). But my view is severely biased because when i was younger i went through a very traumatic experience there.
The first summer I spent here in Long Island after moving from queens was horrible. I...
Awkwardness and Personal Space
Personal Space is something I’m very OCD about.
Something that can drive me crazy is when people get all up in my face when i really don’t them to be there. The worst is when its a stranger.
This summer I worked in the city and rode the subway every day. Every few days i would experience something so mind boggling that i still don’t understand it. I would ride the subway at about 9am so it was...
Rules and Regulations
Okay.
We live in America (at least I do) and we have some rules. Aside from the actual written rules, such as it being illegal to sell, cook, or keep crack or it being illegal to run around naked, there are some unwritten rules that make for some less awkward running-ins with strangers. Such as:
A bad pick up line would be: “Get in the van.” Not only is it aggressive and rude (there are many...
You Know This Is You
So you get on the scale and it reads 134.7 and you go “WOW I LOST A POUND!”
No, sorry. Last time i checked the difference between 135-134.7 doesn’t equal a pound.
Or when the biddie you have the hots for looks at you and asks you to borrow a pencil. From there, you create a whole story-line of events. When the person your hot pocket gets hot for thanks you for the penci, they confess their love...
Friends, Hoes, and Satellites
I often don’t like people right off the bat. It may be because I automatically assume they don’t like me. But, I have my friends. The few people who I actually spend time with and have tolerance that is more than a few minutes for.
Then I have my “hoes.” This isn’t a term that I coined, it was started by my friend and it stuck. My hoes are those random biddies who say hi in the halls or when...